Teaching Hate: Shaming Just Doesn't Work

A high school junior was subjected to gay slurs from his teachers resulting in the boy changing schools and his family getting cash settlement from the school district. When I read about this (Student faced gay slurs by teachers, state says: StarTribune.com), I was immediately outraged largely due to re-experiencing my own teacher taunts when I was this boy's age. Further research led me to the Minnesota Department of Human Rights report on the case - a more detailed account of what this boy endured.



My immediate reaction was to contact these two teachers (Diane Cleveland and Walter Filson) or their employer (Anoka-Hennepin School District) to express my outrage. After fuming about it I realized there is a better way to address this; a path Ms Cleveland and Mr. Filson should have taken before addressing this boy as alleged. Use the opportunity as a good old teachable moment.

Diane and Walter, let me tell you a little story to lay out what happens to a person whom you attempt to humiliate and shame due to perceived sexual orientation. Thirty years ago, I was growing up in a small Minnesota town called Wabasso. It had 750 people in it that were all pretty much white bread Americans. Nobody was "different" or at least everyone thought so. I had 2 teachers, Leo Grossman and Gary Hintz, who were - how shall I say this - very much like you in how they treated me (at least from the allegations made in the article). Words such as "sissy", "faggot", "queer" where often used to reference me to my face and in front of the class.

These words cut to the core. They made me think I was bad, dirty, weird and destine for a life of rejection. I hated myself and feared anyone would find out the truth about who I really was. Those words from a trusted adult, did not change my orientation but forced me to act in a way not true to myself in order to avoid further scrutiny. To this day, I cannot think of those two men without contempt and sadness that they could do such a thing to a young person.

Upon leaving that little town, I faced a path that included acting out, abusing myself and others until I reached a point when I could squash Leo and Gary's voices in my head. It took many, many hours on the couch to accept my sexual self for what it is - a small part of the good person I am. When I think of the years of self-acceptance I missed largely because of those two men, I'm angry beyond words.

So, here's the teachable moment, Diane and Walter: shaming and humiliating a student because of your perceived bias doesn't change that person to be anything they aren't. It harms them in ways you cannot understand - if you did you wouldn't have said those things in the first place.

Didn't you go into teaching to help young people grow and learn? (It certainly isn't for the money) Why would you want to harm the very people you are entrusted with to help them grow into healthy, productive Americans? What do you suppose the other kids in your class thought when you said those hateful things? You know there was at least one other child in the room questioning their own sexuality and your words cut them to shreds as badly as the boy you targeted your hate at. And the example you set for the rest of the class is that hate is tolerable and acceptable in American society. Now that is shameful behavior.

I suggest you get some help with your hate. Teaching it doesn't help anyone.

Here's another teachable moment, Diane and Walter: shamed students often grow up to be activists who are unafraid to share their experience in a public forum naming names and holding people accountable. For that I guess I should thank Leo and Gary though not exactly for positive reasons. Let's hope that the boy you shamed doesn't have the same scars they gave me - though I'm quite certain he does. For that, you should be ashamed of yourselves.

Paul Konrardy

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